I came along as my parent’s one and only little girl at a time when politics were entwined with Camelot and America was coming to terms with equal rights. I came to age in a fascinating stretch of years- the undefined, Vietnam War-recovering 70s, and then into the self-absorbed, materialistic 80s, college bound and over-wrought with uncertainty.
Now as a bona fide adult in these decades of financial-fixation and Internet lordliness, I have yet to settle into conventional living. Not so much due to defiance, but more so because of peculiar and yet abiding passion deep within, which simply does not diminish with time.
My life travels have been colorful, jagged, and remarkable. I continue to explore places, people, and reasons. I look for truths and I lionize the human spirit.
I also take far too many risks and I fail miserably at trusting love. I cannot seem to get comfortable in this world… and wonder where, ultimately, my place in this universe may be.
What is poignant… in ways tragic, too… is that I thought the “place” so sought after, countless years imagined, had been found. I thought my journey finally had a mark on the map. I moved towards that moment, and that man, not so long ago, with an incredible amount of excitement and anticipation. No longer an abstraction. I belonged someplace. To someone.
I was winged and wistful. Until, that is, the winds unexpectedly changed. When the ocean tides reset the chartered course.
The path then again became unknown. The future, an obscure image of possibilities.
As the sun rises and sets, and seasons bring their unique shades and spectacles, I will tell you of how I envision the chapter in front of me being written.
It’s in the pure power of rising out of the ashes. From the provocation of ascent there comes an unobstructed, bold sense of oneself, and eventually a belief in tomorrow, beaconing one’s adventure-bound essence.
I’m older now (not just in years but in point of view). More prudent. And a great deal more aware of my limitations and ignorance. Still, I remain filled with tenacity, determination and a beautifully tender heart.
How bad can it be… this foolishly unhinged and impractical in my pursuits. As I see it, there is distinct and compelling strength that comes from being unconstrained.
I admit it. I am irrationally held to a fairy tale ideal of love and to a zealous pursuit of daring ideas. From that I have been dramatically schooled in life’s inexact measures of agony and endowment. Valuable lessons, to say the least.